Painted On My Heart
by Axmodefred
Summary: A singing Slayer's take on love. Spoilers for Seasons 4 & 5. Riley is gone


DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I  
don't own anything. The song 'Painted on My Heart' belongs to The Cult.  
DISTRIBUTION: If you want it take it just let me know where it's at.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This came about about because I am stuck at how to  
continue the Thoughts Series. And since didn't get one piece of feedback  
the first time. I decided to repost it with minus some grammar and  
spelling mistakes I noticed from the first post.  
Feedback: Please help me out I am still new at this whole fic writing  
thing So read and review please. Also my first songfic.

{Lyrics}

( Buffy's P.o.V )

" Come on Buffy your supposed to be having fun. " Willow says as she  
tries to get me on stage. " Fun is one thing Will. But making a fool out  
of myself in front of all these people is another." I reply. " Ma..Maybe  
you shouldn't push it Willow she doesn't have sing if she doesn't want  
to." Tara admonishes lightly. " No Tara Wills is right Buff did promise  
to have fun tonight and besides we've all done a song and if we can do  
it so can she." Xander adds He's right I did promise and they did I  
chuckle to myself as I recall Xander's rendition of I'm Too Sexy by  
Right Said Fred and Anya's comical performance of Money. I instantly  
sober as stumble upon the memory of Willow and Tara's duet of Everything  
I do by Bryan Adams.

" Fine I'll do it but don't say I didn't warn you. " I say as I rise  
from my chair. Willow smiles at Tara victoriously. The only reason I'm  
here tonight is because Willow thinks I'm depressed about Riley leaving.  
I'm not, just actually surprised he stuck around as long as he did. I  
overheard him talking to Xander during the move. He was right I didn't  
love him. I was in love with some one else and had been for as long as I  
can remember. But the person I love has never seen me as anything but a  
friend. She has been my motivation for so long. She got to me sing  
tonight didn't she.

I hit the Randomizer button on the screen in front of me "Painted on  
My heart comes by The Cult comes up. I take the mike inhale and start to  
sing;

{ I thought you'd be out of my mind  
And I'd finally found a way to  
Learn to live without you  
I thought it was just a matter of time  
'Til I had a hundred reasons not to think about you But it's just not so

God that was what Angel and Riley were to me even though at the time  
I didn't see it. It's always been you I realize that now.

{ And after all this time  
I still can't let go  
I've still got your face  
Painted on my heart  
Scrawled upon my soul  
Etched upon my memory baby  
I've got your kiss  
Still burning on my lips  
The touch of your fingertips  
This loves so deep inside of me }

I can still remember the way you looked at me the first day we meet.  
I knew then and there that I would do anything to protect you and be a  
part of your life.

{ I was trying everything that I can  
To get my heart to forget you  
But it just can't seem to  
I guess it's just no use  
In every part of me  
Is still a part of you }

Faith was part of this equation. I foolishly thought she could take  
your place after the fiasco with Angel. And it was nice to have someone  
who understood the Slayer part of Me.

{I've still got your face  
Painted on my heart  
Scrawled upon my soul  
Etched upon my memory baby  
I've got your kiss  
Still burning on my lips  
The touch of your fingertips  
This loves so deep inside of me  
I've still got your face  
Painted on my heart  
Painted on my heart  
Painted on my heart baby }

Parker was was a mistake even now I don't understand how that  
happened. Riley...You pushed me towards him. I would do anything to see  
you smile. You told me give to him a chance and I did when I should have  
been with you.

{ Something in your eyes keeps haunting me I'm trying to escape you And  
I know there ain't no way to  
Chase you from my mind }

Tara was there after Oz left like I should have been. And there when  
he came back. I admit I freaked when you told me but not because she was  
a girl but because of the revelation that she was a girl who wasn't me.

{ I've still got your face  
Painted on my heart  
Scrawled upon my soul  
Etched upon my memory baby  
I've got your kiss  
Still burning on my lips  
The touch of your fingertips  
This loves so deep inside of me }

I realized then it would never be me. But what hurt most the fact  
you never understood how much I love you. Time after time I've told you  
only to have it brushed off or ignored entirely.

{ I've still got your face  
I've still got your face  
Painted on my heart  
Painted on my heart }

I am regulated to the position of your personal guard dog at least in  
my mind. Everything that hurts you I punish Angelus sent his lackeys  
after you I sent him and Angel to Hell. Faith hit you I stabbed her and  
put her in a coma. And yet you still don't see it. I saw the fear in  
your eyes when Tara's family came you actually thought I let them take  
her away for you and that hurts more than anything else. You believed it  
even if only for a second I'd let them or anyone hurt you like that.

{Baby, c'mon c'mon c'mon now baby  
Painted on my heart  
Painted on my heart}

As I finish singing and the music fades everyone applauds. I can see  
the sadness in your eyes because you think that I was think about Angel  
or Riley. Tara on the other hand looks sad because she knows the truth  
which is why she thought I would let her family take her away from you.  
I know I have get away from you and the pity I see in your eyes.

" So how bad was I ? " I inquire as I take my seat. " You were Great  
Buffy." is Xander's enthusiastic reply " You have a beautiful v..voice  
Buffy." is Tara soft spoken response. "Much better than I thought you  
would be but not as good as mine." is Anya's earning a glare from me. "  
I didn't know you could sing like that." is your slightly breathless  
statement. "I'm allowed to have some secrets aren't I. " I retort before  
downing the last of my drink as I stand. " And with that I have to go I  
promised mom I wouldn't be out late and I want to do a quick patrol  
before then. "Oh O.K" is all you say as I gather my things, from the  
thoughtful expression on your face you're wondering what those secrets  
are. "Goodnight Buffy" is the unison answer from the rest of the table.

As I leave I look back to see you pull Tara onto the dance floor. I  
smile because I know that the only thing better than being the one to  
make you happy is seeing you happy. It's a comforting thought as I leave  
the warmth of the Bronze and step into the cold night.


End file.
